Time to hold my breath now.
Watchful waiting is key.
I wonder how much this experiment will reveal.
Truth? Yes.
Pain? Maybe.
—
Therefore, I’m back to where I used to be.
Category: time
It starts Monday.
I can’t wait.
All I’m doing now is passing time.
La-di-da-di-da.
I just have no reason to feel depressed today.
I wish all days would be like this.
I am half giddy and half terrified.
I am giddy because of certain circumstances.
I am terrified because school is about to start soon and I’m afraid that I’ll be pressed for time. Although, the upperclassmen say that there is so much time this year, we’ll actually get bored.
I hope that holds true.
I sincerely hope that works out okay.
I don’t want anybody nudged out of my life because of my schedule. No, I can’t have that. It MUST not happen.
I’m happy because I am learning more and more how to manage the hourly fluctuations in my mood. I just let it happen, then I let it pass.
There it goes.
My start-of-the-day post.
They’re in my heart.
And I keep wondering the hows and whys of things. I keep wondering if I’ll ever come to that day when everything is made clear to me.
I can’t see it right now, I really can’t.
Maybe I’m destined to be alone and moping in a corner, like I’m so used to doing. Maybe I’m destined for this emo life that I’ve been living.
I can’t feel it. I can’t feel it today, because I was with people that I honestly love. I had fun with my friends: I missed them. So I don’t feel so alone today, maybe tomorrow the loneliness will wash over me again.
Who knows?
Nobody does, not even myself.
I hang by a thread at the edge of a dream.
Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.
And I am healing myself now.
I am rebuilding my life.
For the first time, I am tasting power on my lips again.
I WILL DO THIS, not for you, not for him, but for myself.
I feel stronger than ever before.
In that sordid world from which I emerged, that prison from which I stayed for 6 days, I had epiphanies of unprecedented magnitude.
It was torture. It was filled tears. It was a prison for the mind.
But I emerge victorious and laughing if only because things are crystal clear to me now.
I know now.
My mind is tinged with a stranged sense of clarity which is foreign to me. And I cannot help but smile as I type now. I cannot wait to show the world what I can do.
I am filled with hope, and love and all the pretty things that Dr. Los Baños promised me I would have, once I endured the 6 days. And I have. Here I am, laughing and victorious.
I am ready now.
Looks a lot like me.
It’s my birthday. I’ve never liked celebrating my birthday. It’s just not my thing.
It’s also Jack’s birthday today! What a coincidence it is that I buy a dog, and upon checking his papers, we have the same birthday.
Blah, blah blah. Valentine’s Day and here’s the customary Valentine’s Day post because today’s the day of hearts and I’ll scream out my heart because this is my blog.
Why do people find it pitiful that I stepped into the door sans flowers? Is it really so bad? I’m ten feet ahead of what I feel. I can’t remember the feeling at all. Therefore, in my world, I never really lost anything because I fail to sense an absence. (The presence that makes the present absence unbearable- my mind is filled with crap.)
