You have been severed.
You are gone from me.
I hope you find peace.
I’m still finding my own.
Thank you for the memories.
I will never ever forget you.
Category: goodbye
A sigh…
A break…
Goodbye now for the nth time.
Be happy.
Find peace.
I’ll always just be here.
There’s no turning back anymore.
I am capable of love, even in small quantities.
But I specialize in complete and utter surrender.
So what am I feeling now?
I’m going to miss him.
The world it spins out of control,
When you- you take your toll.
This is a place where we meet,
A traffic jam in a one-way street.
And I need more time,
I need more time.
—
I’m back on Seroquel 200mg.
Didn’t feel dizzy this morning, just pleasantly groggy, which was okay.
I feel level-headed, a bit spaced-out, of course, because that’s what antipsychotics do: they silence your thoughts and quiet down your feelings.
I could deal this way. It’s not bad at all.
And if I have to take these damn drugs for a lifetime, then I am prepared to face that; that and the stigma of it all.
Maybe I will become a better psychiatrist because of my current struggles- the Wounded Healer, as Dr. Bolet Bautista said.
—
I am craving Sonja’s Cupcakes.
Yum.
I guess it’s really time to say this.
I just want you out of my life and out of my world forever.
It’s nothing personal.
You’re just a reminder of what I can never have.
You were held up before me by a God that permitted us to meet but did not allow us to stay together.
Again, it’s nothing personal, but you became an asshole too.
In fact, I have so much anger pent up inside of me and it’s “all for you.”
Ugh.
I cannot believe I said I loved you. That was the biggest mistake in the world. And I’d hate for you to think
that the reason I ended up in rehab is because of you. It’s not. It was my own stupidity, my own mistakes,and, dare I
say, my own cuts.
I hear you painting the town.
Funny, I had to beg that from you when we were together.
*sigh*
I just really am regretful that I ever gave you a chance in the first place. You’re the biggest mistake ever.
Again, it’s nothing personal, just me realizing how many assholes like you populate this world.
On a side note, bagay kayong dalawa. Walang direksyon sa buhay kundi maging rat racer, nagpapanggap na masaya, walang ginawa kundi maglasing at gumawa ng katarantaduhan.
You could cure me, you know.
You can take away this loneliness, this confusion, this dire need for company.
You can take it all away.
You can take away the pain; the endless night stretches out before me and I am lonely in its wake.
You really can stop this despair.
But you choose not to, and that makes all the difference.
of quiet desperation.
of silent waiting.
of unwashed wounds and uncleaned floors.
of knowing that you will never come back.
I do not know if I can partake of this way of life any longer.
You.
You in your anger; you in your lonely confusion; you in your sadness.
I’ve given up, as simple as that, in trying to fathom your abyssmal mind.
Shrewd conquests, lonely bottles and masquerades: they make up our past but never our future.
I insist on being fixated by you and I don’t know why.
Oh God, please tell me why.
