Getting Over It October 28, 2009
How do I get over something?
I simply forget. I don’t mind it. I laugh it off.
That’s the way to go.
For instance, I see your name highlighted in YM and it makes me cringe that you’re not clicking mine, but I simply brush it aside.
I never expect to talk to you ever again, much less to see you again and I shouldn’t: you’re gone anyway.
I guess the difference between now and then is that I will not let this loneliness win this time.
I’m putting my foot down.
My life will be a success story because I want it to be.
… October 27, 2009
The unnameable is staring me in the face again.
I guess the only thing that I have to do is face it too, and not let it get the best of me, this time around.
Sure, it will paint my day a shade of blue, but a lighter shade now, somehow more manageable.
I will not let it win.
Time October 24, 2009
“A second isn’t some slice of spacetime, it’s just nine billion motions of a caesium atom. Accelerate to half the speed of light and a second is still nine billion motions of a caesium atom. But there’s only half the local motion there used to be, because the other half is already doing the travelling motion through space. Imagine yourself as a metronome. Each tick is a thought in your head, a beat in your heart, a second of your time.”
A Tension October 22, 2009
My thinking, Dr. Bolet said, is “catastrophic,” meaning that the smallest stimuli sets off a war in my head.
And she is so right.
We also figured out why I am obsessed with weight: “pagbigat means you’ll be rejected.”
It’s really helping, those family sessions. I got to air out some issues.
—
Ugh. Here we go again.
I wish I could stop the cycle. I will stop it.
It’s Just… October 20, 2009
Well, goodbye.
—
I have another session with Dr. Bolet Baustista again tomorrow, and this time I have to go to her office.
So my mom is picking me up at 10AM, and I have to be back here by around 2.
Oh well.
Don’t know what to say, really.
Truths and Realities October 19, 2009
I quiver over a lack of words.
I quiver over an excess of gravity pulls.
I’m fine.
I’ve set about circumventing my downfalls and it feels great.
I plan to quit smoking. I plan to exercise regularly. I plan to eat smart. I plan to stay away from alcohol most of the time. I also have in mind the goal to get off my medications. In short, I plan to be a health buff =)
I envision myself eating healthy food all the time and jogging my ass off. Yehey! Hehehe. Soy milk, here I come again!
I’m excited. I needed the pressure. I needed all the bad emotions to turn them into something beautiful.
Agenda October 17, 2009
Every night, me, benjo, james, eladio, mark and jeanie play games. Last night it was makeshift pictionary. Or sometimes we play pinoy henyo.
It’s very fun. Relaxes us, takes our mind off time.
I hate waiting, but, like I said, that’s what I do best.
—
Ever stars brush your cheeks
And I find the scene sublime
As I see how very beautiful you are
Underneath the silken moonlight
A thousand tomorrow await
A thousand stars will choose to fall.
You’re making me whole again.
-not dedicated to anybody in particular. Just me contemplating love and peace.
